I am trying to be humble; I really am.
I have seen too much when someone asserts themselves excessively, and I am well aware of the spiritual pitfall they might fall into. And I do not want to debase myself for my own sake.
I am not sure at what point I realized that what I have been doing in my life has always been subject to decadence. I do something just to spiritually decay, even though because of this I rose to prominence in the physical world. But what is the point when one wears ornaments just to hide the ugliness within? Is it self-deception?
I am trying to be humble not for the sake of achieving goals. I want to be humble because I truly am sick; the sickness lingers, and I can’t seem to shake it off.
I want to be a human again, for this current version of myself has always been acting. The inner does not correspond to the outer, and the imbalance will soon take over my whole being. I say this just to express my desperation to achieve that perfection, and hopefully it is not another disguised form of humility that makes myself feel good.
Let it be true always. True humility, in my opinion, must always be done unconsciously when one simultaneously asserts themselves naturally. If it is done consciously, it is just a veiled version of ego. On the other hand, if it is done when one does not assert themselves, this is just a form of self-belittlement. But who knows when one is truly humble or not? And that is the point of perfection!